I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
