It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
