The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
