After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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