Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was born a porn star she said
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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