Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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