My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
