There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
