Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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