Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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