Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Randomize
