It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As shirtless as possible
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
