Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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