i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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