Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
