U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
