just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
