Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
