We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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