my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
