He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
