i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
