Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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