they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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