One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
