i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
