I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
