Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
