how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
