We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
