I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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