I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
