How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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