Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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