we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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