I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize