i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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