dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
