Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
