So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
