In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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