She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
