His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
