Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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