Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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