I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
two words...techno handjob
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
