My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
