I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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