OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
