Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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