I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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