Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
well you can't waste a boner
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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