Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
