Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
