i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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