hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
