It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
