I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
