my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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