You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
