I wish my penis had an off switch
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
