He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
