it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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