He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
