dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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