My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
