What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize