chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
