We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
