Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
