Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
